It’s rarely OUR intention to hurt our partner’s feelings so all too often our first response is to defend that fact.
Pausing and focusing on THEIR feelings is a much more effective way to squash the conflict before it snowballs. There will be time to explain your intention, once you tend to their hurt. 💞
I hope everyone had a wonderful break, with lots of memories made along the way!
It was truly one of the best summers yet for us.
Sending out all the positive vibes for this school year to you and your families!
We’ve slowly learned to live with it in the skies above our life since the week before Christmas of 2019. It usually lurks in the background but appears right above us about every 3 months, when husband’s next scope appointment arrives.
Once it appears, The Cancer Cloud never evaporates. I can honestly say that after 6 surgeries in 4 years, we have learned to accept it. We truly don’t think about it… until the week of his scopes. I know many can relate. The skies start to get a little gray and it’s harder to focus on the sun. It doesn’t always rain but the possibility is always there.
This past November after 4 years of somewhat clear skies, it rained again. Thankfully it was only light showers this time.
We got the news that another cancerous tumor had begun to grow in his bladder. The day before Thanksgiving it was removed. Unlike the first time, once biopsied it was found to be low grade and he did not have to undergo any further treatment. Hallelujah!
Yesterday when he went in for the first scope since removing the second malignant tumor, we had intentionally made peace with whatever the doctor may say. We were tired of the quarterly roller coaster ride, so we just got off. It was time to accept what is and that this may be a part of our story ongoing.
We relinquished the strong hold of false hope that the skies will be clear forever and radically accepted the reality of what is, with a complete and total release of expectations. The relief of the “what ifs” was refreshing, to say the least.
Fortunately the type of cancer he was diagnosed with has a high survival rate but it is also considered to be one of the most annoying types because of the high rate of reoccurrence.
Yesterday another small spot was found in his bladder, as has been the case many times before. At this point, the spot is still light so he does not have to go in for another exploratory surgery/biopsy for now.
So… we wait and happily bask in the next three months of sunny skies, reminding ourselves of the silver linings when needed. ☀️
‼️Introducing my new office suitemate!‼️
Kali is a skilled therapist with years of experience and a calming presence. She specializes in adolescents and young adults who are struggling with anxiety and depression.
SO excited to welcome her into the 888 space with me! She is scheduling now!
Reach out to her at (816) 320-6019.
♥️ Healing the hurt you carry from your past is the best thing you can do for your relationship in the present.
The space between an argument and never repairing with one another is the breeding ground for resentment. It’s essential to tend to each other’s feelings after conflict in order to have an ongoing, healthy relationship. #repairingiscaring
❄️ Just like the seasons, our emotions are ever-changing. Give yourself time to let intense yet fleeting negative emotions pass before reacting to your partner. It’s okay to take a break or ask for space in order to avoid damaging comments, as long as you come back and talk it out calmly at some point. 🌺
Sex is one of my favorite things to discuss because there are so many layers to it - many more than what meets the eye.
Here are the 3 things I want fellow middle-agers to know about INTIMACY, based on what I hear in my practice on a consistent basis…
#1. Don’t be afraid to use a performance pill! Or a “full potential pill” as I refer to it with my clients. It can elongate (pun intended) the enjoyable years of sex and actually spice it up a bit. The fact is that MANY, MANY men start to have misfires with their mind/body connection around this age. It’s NOT uncommon. Although easier said than done… it’s not something to take personal, ladies. That’s the last thing your man wants you to feel. Their desire and attraction to you is often still alive and well - it’s the connection between that feeling in their mind and the equipment on their body that becomes more difficult with age. Of course, ask your doctor before using a pill for this but if it makes sense for you, you’ll thank me later. Promise!
#2. Intimacy can come in all shapes, sizes and positions. This is the time in your lives to think outside “the box.” I’m talking showering together, cuddling naked, massages, etc. Believe it or not a good, long heart-to-heart can fan the flame and give you both all the feels just as much as a good ole romp in the sack used to in your earlier years. There is nothing wrong with that… in fact it shows relational maturity and emotional intelligence within the partnership.
#3. Men… Listen up! Your partner’s lack of excitement around sex is more often than not due to how she is feeling about herself. It’s NOT due to her not being attracted to you, not loving you or not longing to be close to you. The whole body image thing for woman as they age is a battlefield of the mind on the regular. Feeling confident in their own skin day-in and day-out is hard enough mentally, let alone feeling truly attractive to their partner in a sexual way. Although you are no doubt still really in to her physically, it’s hard for her to believe it and it’s difficult for her to get into the right headspace internally in order for that type of engagement externally. THIS is what the true struggle is versus feeling anything negative towards you. “It’s not you - it’s me” is a real thing here. It’s just a hard one to admit for most women.
💓 One of my absolute favorite things about what I do is helping young couples put their best foot forward in their relationships from the very beginning!
It’s so emotionally intelligent to proactively prepare for a healthy life together and it truly warms my heart when my couples see the fruits of their labor. 🥰
Note: Permission given by clients to share
When I first heard the song “We’ll Figure It Out” by the country group Smithfield, I cried my way through it.
🎶 Loving is easy… it’s the living that’s hard. 🎶
Such a great tribute to riding the waves of life together as a couple. You gotta check it out!
It brought up all the emotions around the curve balls in life that Mike and I have navigated in our 19+ years together… the sudden loss of his dad, career changes, his cancer journey, the worries of raising kids, etc. He is my life jacket through the choppy waters and my surf board on the bright and sunny days.
I know your relationship has it’s own story. The goal is to make your partner’s life easier, not harder through it all. One of the truest blessings of a healthy partnership is the knowing that you have someone to lean on.
